Share the Adoption or keep it Hush-Hush with Your Child!

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“Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart – but in it”

–  Fleur Conkling Heylinger

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Congrats! Now, you are adoptive parents of a cute baby. So, what you have decided- are you going to tell your child that he/she is adopted or keep it a secret? If you choose second option, then it’s completely unfair! Before the kid come to know about adoption from your relatives or neighbors, make things clear on time.

What’s the Right Time?

At some point of time, you will have to unveil the covert of adoption with your child. It will be difficult for you to discuss this issue with your kid, as long as you delay. Tell your child about adoption as soon as he/she begins to understand things. The preschool years of the kid is the best time to tell that he/she is adopted.

How to Share?

If you’ll not talk about the adoption with the kid, it might affect his self-image. I know it’s an anxiety-aggravating task, but you can’t avoid it.

Here are some tips to help you.

  • Make a strong bond of trust and be honest while communicating this significant issue with your kid.
  • Tell him how special he is and that’s why you choose him to be your child. Remind him that you love him very much and this is his family and always will remain his.
  • If you think that by hiding the adoption secret, you’re protecting your child’s emotions, then you are absolutely wrong. The child will not get hurt too much if you’ll tell him in a caring and positive way. But, he will surely get disheartened if he will come to know it from your neighbors or relatives.
  • When you would tell this secret to the child, he might get upset and ask you several questions about his origin and biological parents. It’s natural! It’s not a sign of lack of love towards you. So, let him put across his feelings.
  • While discussing the adoption matter, keep in mind the emotional maturity level of the kid. Explain everything in a simple and direct manner. Remember, the child can’t grasp all the things in one go. You might have to repeat the information again and again to make him understand.
  • The more questions he asks you about this issue, the deeper his bonding will become with you. Neither dismisses nor overreacts to these questions.
  • After you have talked to your kid about adoption, if your child do not react or remain quiet, don’t worry. Give some time to him. But, then also, he doesn’t raise any question, you can talk to him again and ask him to raise questions. Ensure that he is comfortable with you while talking about the issue.
  • As the kid will grow, his curiosity to know about his birth parents and adoptive family will also get excavated. So, be prepared with answers for all the questions of your loving child.

Adoption is a superb process. You have helped a child by giving him a new life. So, why to hide it? Let’s celebrate it.