You think I must be crazy… How can one love without caring? Right? This sounds cold-hearted to you? Well, then think again… Maybe one should know the flip side to it which you have not discovered yet!
The meaning of care?
How do we define care? Caring for the ones you love, caring for the way they treat you, caring for the way you feel by their actions… Mostly we care about none but ourselves. Care means to love, to adore, and to heal the ones you love. It also means apprehension, anxiety, fear and the carefulness that nothing terrible happens to them. What I feel is love can never bloom where there is fear and anxiety.
For instance, I met this single mother whose son was diagnosed with a down syndrome. She was so concerned for his future that she unwittingly stopped enjoying his existence in the present. It saddens me to see how we emotional beings care too much to stop looking at the bright side of things.
Care about the relationship?
Even when in a relationship what we care for is the consequences we face, the way we feel because of somebody else’s actions. “I am concerned, we are not the same anymore” “we don’t connect the way we used to” “we should spend more time together” or “you don’t care for me anymore” these are the words from any regular relationship diary. Most of the People say that they do so because they care for the relationship. So lemme ask you a simple question… Is there a limit to these doubts? Human expectations rise with each fulfilment and accept it that we are greedy beings. So maybe, if we care a lil less about the ‘relationship losing the spark’, we will not lose it in the end.
Hurt brings more hurt
Have you noticed how many times we get hurt only because we care too much and we proudly say “I can’t stop caring.”Think about a person you love… Your husband, child, mother, father, sibling, anyone. You obviously care about them.
Neha is 26 and her 4 year old marriage is on the brink of divorce. Neha is one of the most caring wives you’d ever meet. She would make sure that everything is perfect from home to her husband’s lunchbox. Her husband feels that she is a bit clingy; she says its coz she cares. A few months back, when her husband tried to make her understand that she should not be that concerned, she felt offended and rejected, and since then she could not stop caring too much about their relationship, her husband’s activities, an unanswered phone call and the list goes on. She was hurt, I know, but what she needed to see that it was she who was inflicting the pain and not her husband. If only she could care less, things would have been different and beautiful.
A small exercise
Think of any person you love and now fill the blanks
If only he/ she, ………………………………… I could feel……………………………………….
For ex: if only he would text me that he reached safely, I could feel relaxed
Now scratch the first part and you have
I could feel…………………..
I could feel relaxed!
And yes! I feel relaxed! I am sure if you follow this practice of scratching the first part every day, you’ll find yourself in a better mood and happiness is contagious so your loved ones will mirror it, as well. This is the truth and the whole truth. You can attain an emotional status even when your loved ones do not confirm your desires. It is easy to fool your mind… Try it and know it!
Stop controlling their behaviour
Some wise people have said “sanity begins the moment you admit that you are powerless on other people”. Admit that you cannot control anyone’s actions. You can’t get your dog stops biting, your husband stops snoring, and Ashton Kutcher is taking you out for a date, but you can sure do a thousand more things to make yourself happy. Learn to create happiness by your own actions and others will feel happy around you wondering about the beginning of your ever-smiling bright and breezy aura.