How often have you felt that lump in your throat? For once, allow those feelings to come alive and convey them through tears.
Imagine a family that cries together to release their pain! They let out their fears and miseries freely in the open through sobs and tears, instead of hiding from each other in the bathroom or letting those emotional outbursts happen late in the night when everyone else is asleep. What would it be like to work at an office where there’s a separate “venting out” room, where colleagues would gather together to let out their pains and frustrations, and nobody would be looked down for being so vulnerable and accepting weakness. Wouldn’t we all be emotionally liberated, free and healthy? Wouldn’t the modern emotional climate be less regressive that way?
Have you ever find someone encouraging you to cry your heart out? Your parents, teachers, siblings, and colleagues want you to be strong, capable, and not defenseless. Would any of them let you express yourself through tears? They’ll hush you, hug you, and in between your sobs, they’ll meekly convey the idea of “stop crying”. Though it’s easy for women, when women cry, they aren’t asked to stop immediately, but can you imagine how it is for men? Men hardly have people in their lives, who can tolerate them looking so susceptible and shedding tears. Even friends aren’t so supportive then.
But is it our fault? Have we not seen our parents and their parents putting on a strong exterior and carrying on with their lives happily (no matter what the struggle inside)? Our society elevates and admires those who put on a tough facade, appear emotionless externally, and rarely display their pain and deep feelings. This results to- people fear being viewed as weak and fragile, and that’s when they start pushing back those tears that would have otherwise flown freely and made them feel better. It’s only in few, rare circumstances that people will not judge you when you cry, those rare situations when it is legitimate to release your inner turmoil.
Crying is a cleansing process. Be it when you’re laughing so hard that your happiness turns into tears and starts flowing, or the sadness that so overwhelms you that you cannot contain it. It’s an intimate contact with the heart and acts as a window to all the hurt and pain that you’ve walled off and kept hidden from everyone. You’ve protected yourself and denied others a glimpse of your discomfort.
In his book ‘The Vital Balance’, Karl Menninger writes, “Weeping is perhaps the most human and most universal of all relief measures”. Crying might be the most important ingredient as well, in the process of letting go and healing that many people have denied themselves. Therefore, don’t deny your heart for the emotional outburst; it’s a need otherwise they will become buried in your body, in the long run, and they’ll affect your emotional growth in the long run.
You might not believe us initially, but in order to heal wounds of our past, we must remember and cry over them until they no more hurt us, and the tears have dried up. Don’t you think we are biologically designed to wash- away the hurt this way? So the next time, if those eyes welling up the feel, or that lump in your throat getting heavy, give yourself permission to feel the emotion instead of shutting it up. More often than not, life offers situations when we feel the urge to cry, and wouldn’t be comforting to know that when you relive yourself, others would honor and support your process.