25 Funniest Lines from Literature

1. Vile Bodies (By Evelyn Waugh)

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“All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I’d sooner go to my dentist any day”

2. The Importance of Being Earnest (By Oscar Wilde)

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“To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness”

3. Tipping the Velvet (By Sarah Waters)

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“Oh you exquisite little tart”

4. Eric (By Terry Pratchett)

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“Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind”

5. Little Women (By Louisa May Alcott)

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“Mothers are the best lovers in the world, but I don’t mind whispering to Marmee that I’d like to try all kinds. It’s very curious, but the more I try to satisfy myself with all sorts of natural affections, the more I seem to want”

6. Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (By Edward Albee)

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Martha: “You make me puke.”

George: “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say.”

7. Pride and Prejudice (By Jane Austen)

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“Well, my comfort is, I am sure Jane will die of a broken heart, and then he will be sorry for what he has done.”

8. Hamlet (By William Shakespeare)

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Ophelia: “I think nothing, my lord.”

Hamlet: “That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs.”

9. The life and opinions of Tristram Shandy (By Laurence Sterne)

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“My brother Toby, quoth she, is going to be married to Mrs. Wadman. “Then he will never,” quoth my father, “be able to lie diagonally in his bed again as long as he lives.”

10. A Dying Tiger- Moaned for a Drink (By Emily Dickinson)

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I hunted all the Sand —

I caught the Dripping of a Rock

And bore it in my Hand —

His Mighty Balls — in death were thick —

But searching — I could see

11. A Murder is Announced (By Agatha Christie)

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“… it’s my own particular, one and only, four-starred Pussy. The super Pussy of all old Pussies.”

12. Saint Francis of Assisi (By Thomas of Celano)

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“Indeed, he was always occupied with Jesus; Jesus he bore in his heart, Jesus in his mouth, Jesus in his ears, Jesus in his eyes, Jesus in his hands, Jesus in the rest of his members.”

13. Anna Karenina (By Leo Tolstoy)

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“At his usual time [Alexey Alexandrovitch] got up and made his toilet for the night.”

14. Moby Dick (By Herman Melville)

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“Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.”

15. Letters From A Stoic (By Seneca)

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“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness”

16. Julius Caeser (By William Shakespeare)

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“Tut, I am in their bosoms.”

17. Emma (By Jane Austen)

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“She found her subject cut up – her hand seized – her attention demanded, and Mr Elton actually making violent love to her.”

18. The Prince and the Pauper (By Mark Twain)

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“The night was come, the gang had just finished feasting, an orgy was beginning; the can of liquor was passing from mouth to mouth”

19. Northanger Abbey (By Jane Austen)

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“Such was Catherine Morland at ten. At fifteen, appearances were mending; she began to curl her hair and long for balls”

20. A River Runs Through It (By Norman Maclean)

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“In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly-fishing.”

21. Choke (By Chuck Palahniuk)

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“If you’re going to read this, dont bother. After a couple pages, you won’t want to be here. So forget it. Go away. Get out while you’re still in one piece.”

22. The Picture of Dorian Gray (By Oscar Wilde)

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“I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.”

23. The Wisdom of Father Brown (By G.K. Chesterton)

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“I know that journalism largely consists in saying “Lord Jones Dead” to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.”

24. Ulysses (By James Joyce)

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“Shakespeare is the happy hunting ground of all minds that have lost their balance.”

25. To The Accuser (By William Blake)

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“Every harlot was a virgin once”

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